I promise you that it will get easier. This may be the hardest experience you have had in life. You may walk around for two months and every day be filled with tears, every day be filled with her voice. I know that feeling and I know how tightly it can wrap itself around you. You may feel like you want to avoid that tightness out of human instinct really but I’m telling you, embrace it. Let those tears flow every fucking day until you literally can’t cry anymore. Surround yourself with her favorite music, her favorite images, her favorite people. It is so hard and ten times more unfair but I promise you that one day you will wake up and you will feel whole again. You will never completely accept what has happened but all you can start with is learning how to face your life and balance it all. No pain any of us feel could be equivalent to what her parents and family feel. Focus on being there for them if they know you as well.
I experienced a lot of loss as a child but as a teenager losing my first high-school friend hit me exceptionally hard. For at least a month and a half I literally spent every day crying. I heard her laughter and every single person I saw with red hair I’d think was her. I’d have dreams every night of standing in the middle of NWHS and her running up to me screaming, “IT WAS ALL A JOKE YOU STUPID BITCH I’D NEVER LEAVE YOU” and I’d wake up completely devastated all over again. It is such a battle but I was lucky enough to have someone there telling me to keep fighting through. I carry around my lost family and friends with me every single day. I do things for them on their birthdays, days they passed and just random days they’re on my mind more than others that make me feel like I’m honoring them in a way. Just because someone is gone doesn’t mean you have to learn to live without them, it’ll just never be in the same way again….
These words won’t mean much and that’s perfectly fine.